music famine

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This morning has been rather dreary, which means perfect cuddle time for me and my Evy Rae. Our couch looked inviting so I turned on iTunes, laid down with my little lady sitting up on my tummy and she willingly let me clip her fingernails. As I looked outside, leaves were blowing in the wind from branches that are now practically naked and fighting to hold on to their last evidence of life. I couldn't get over how picturesque this moment was. Then a song came on that just melted my heart. It's nothing extraordinary but it just brought me to a moment just over 9 months ago. It was January 26, 2011 in the early afternoon. I was scheduled to go in to have Evelyn that evening at 7, so Jared and I thought it would be a fabulous idea to spend our last afternoon as just the two of us in the darkness of a movie theatre. We saw "Country Strong." We had heard rather negative things about it, so we weren't expecting the best film of our lives but turns out it moved me rather strongly. I loved it. There's this song that Leighton Meester and Garrett Hedlund sing called "Give in to me." Although it isn't the most poetic song I have ever heard, it is beautiful nonetheless. Hedlund's voice just makes you melt. I remember sitting there thinking, "Holy smokes, I love this guy sitting next to me so gosh darn much it hurts!" I might have even cried a little bit. It was probably my pregnancy hormones gone wild but that song will always be a part of me - my last date with JO as a childless young couple, looking over at this young man who would soon be a father, being so thankful that I got to him and that he gave in to me. So when that song came on this morning, I couldn't help but be transported.

That's what I love about music. It can be an escape but it can also be an amplifier of whatever the song of the heart is at the moment. I feel like I've been in a music funk since, well, being married actually. During my late teens and early twenties there was so much drama, uncertainty, and heart ache that I practically binged on music from Ryan Adams, Mindy Smith, The Wreckers, The Fray, A Fine Frenzy, etc. They all seemed to "get" my 20-something old petty self. But what do married people listen to when everything is hunky dory, there are no breakups, life is unrealistically superb, and you have a child? Where do you find new music? In college days my best friend and I would spend about an hour everyday just listening to music. We would jump in to her blue land rover with the intention of driving around aimlessly just so we could sing our vocal cords sore. I don't think my ipod has experienced a "sync" in 3 years. I'm craving that song, that band that just gets me going. You know what I mean?