if I had vine, this is what I would post.

When Vine first came out I was really put off by it. I thought it was ridiculous to have yet another way to connect with people. But now I'm finding that kids do funny things, but only for short periods of time. And it would be ridiculous to post a video on the blog of something that was 6 seconds long, but on Vine it would obviously be acceptable. The only downside is that android doesn't have Vine yet. So as ridiculous as this makeshift vine video of mine may be, this is funny to me. And I could watch it over and over again:

But in case this looping video isn't your cup of tea, maybe you can appreciate the humor in any of these clips:

NFL Bad Lip Reading "Hey, I found Fido! I found Fido!"
Jimmy Fallon and John Krasinski. 7:20 is when it gets real good :) (Thanks Jay for this gem)

Happy Friday!
And a huge thank you to all of you for your thoughts and hope in the last post. I've spent a good portion of my night and morning trying to restore what might not be lost. Thank you!

when 1 of my 5,293 nightmares came true. and it was awful and I cried.

I have many fears. Oh boy, do I. #1 would be something happening to my children - kidnapping, terminal illness, accident, us growing distant with each other. #2 would involve Jared - losing him for this earth life. #3 would be a shark attack. #4 being attacked by a monkey. #5 losing my sight. And the list could go on and on. So I guess what happened last night would be a subcategory of #1.

Last night a message popped up saying our hard drive was full. Crazy. I have an external hard drive that I have saved all videos & photos from 2008 on to, PLUS I have backed up all those years on 20 dvd data disks, so I most certainly have done my job at preserving the last 6 years. At 9pm it appeared that everything on that external drive had been wiped clean. First panic attack. Luckily I knew that I had all the cds and was able to recover everything on that disk. Then at 10pm, I knew I needed to delete everything off of our actual hard drive since it was full, and knowing that I had everything back up in 2 separate places, while biting the inside of my cheek I dragged all videos into the trash. And I watched our memory space free up from 13 gb to 235 gb! I was happy all for but 2 seconds when almost immediately it dawned on me - I hadn't backed up 2013. None of it. And I just deleted it. The past 5 months of footage were gone. More than half of Warner's lifespan thus far was completely erased. Visits from grandparents and aunts & uncles in April and May were gone. Our most recent trip to Harpers Ferry from two days before, annihilated. Oh, the gut-twisting agony! I am still in disbelief. Luckily, all my photos of this year are safe and sound, which does help ease the blow. There is beauty in both mediums of photography and film, but they satisfy a different part in my heart. I love videography. Re-watching life unfold just gives me butterflies.

I am mostly disturbed about losing those 5 months with Warner. As if the 2nd child already doesn't get the same 20 minutes of daily footage that the first did, now he's lost a good half of HIS FIRST FREAKIN YEAR! Probably in the grand scheme of his life, I'm sure these 5 months won't matter in the next 17 years I have with him living under my roof...but it really does matter to me. Right now this is my baby. My baby who is growing up all too fast. My first son who I love so dearly and now I feel like I've robbed him. Again, I know I still have photos, and this probably just seems like a ton of blubbering over nothing, but this is the closest thing to death that I have come to. And that's really lucky for me, I know, because if I can't handle losing some videos, then I don't know how I'm going to handle the loss of a loved one.

Jared was gone when this travesty happened and when he came home, he first came to give me a hug, knowing what had happened. He knows how much documenting this life means to me. Which got me thinking about why I am so adament about accounting for my life. My measly little life that isn't known to anyone but my close small circle. You want to know how dedicated I am to making sure every nook and cranny of my life is accounted for? Ok. Let's count. I have a personal journal, a thoughts journal, a journal for Evelyn, a journal for Warner, family videos, family photos albums, instagram, this blog... This blog houses my family's little legacy.

The other week I taught a class on blogging. One of the questions I got was about privacy and if I'm worried about being so open. Yes, part of me is conscious of that, for sure. But the other part of me  wants to be open about experiencing life. I have always been struck by this quote, and I think this sums up why I love journaling in every form, and why I love to share it on this space:

"I have often thought that there has rarely passed a life of which a judicious and faithful narrative would not be useful; for not only every man has, in the mighty mass of the world, great numbers in the same condition as himself, to whom his mistakes and miscarriages, escapes and expedients, would be of immediate and apparent use." - Samuel Johnson, Rambler #60

I love thinking that maybe someone who stumbles across this blog might be able to learn from me, to celebrate with me, grieve with me at times, confide in me, find hope and joy in me. I know I have found all those in the lives of others. To see that we are all living a unique story, yet similar in so many ways. Life really is something to be celebrated. So now I just have to forget that there will be a gap in our family videos from Jan-May 2013, and pick up where we are now. BUMMMER!

And now because these are random photos I took at the park that do not warrant a post on their own, but are only just so cute, I'm plugging them in here:

we escaped.

We escaped the city on Monday, and found ourselves nestled in the historic Shenandoah village of Harpers Ferry. It knocked. my. socks. off. The scenery this place had to offer was incredible! I felt like we had paid billions of dollars to travel to this resorted town where probably "The Bachelor" would go on one of the travel weeks that would leave everyone watching writhing in envy. It was that type of picturesque :) Harpers Ferry predates the American Revolution, and that is always a goosebumper for me when I get to walk such timeworn streets. And better yet for Evelyn (and Dad), the Potomac River conveniently satisfied her need to bombard water with the shelling of massive rocks.

brewing.

Thick, dark, rolling clouds that clap with thunder and streak with lightning are my favorite, and a sure sign that summer is nigh. Last night Jared and I had a little date at the golf range, and I was taken back by the beauty of the turbulence that was brewing in the distance against the brillant green woodland. The air was damp, and fragrant with the smell of new leaves that had burst from the timber's branches. It was  a magnificent way to spend the evening.

Happy Memorial Day weekend! May barbecuing and pool dipping be in your plans!

You know, it would appear sometimes on this blog that I'm not the best speller. Which is funny, because I am pretty critical and quick to spot the misspellings of others, yet I have found oodles and oodles of times where I just appear to be plain dumb. Oh, it's embarassing the frequency in which I re-read a post hours or days later and be like "oooookkaayyy, yowzers, that was way off." ex: last post I wrote smelt instead of smelled. Big difference. And by the time I usually catch it, well over 5 dozen people have read it and seen my mistake and rightfully dubbed me an idiot. That's it. I recognize my stupidity.

rolypoly

I press my nose into the nape of his neck and ferociously start to nestle my way closer into the crevice between his chest and chin. It is damp from hours of slobber that have now pooled into the folds of his skin, but I don't mind. As I start to tickle, his whole body curls. His knees roll up to his chubby gut, his elbows contract in to his waist, his head crouches forward to his chest, and for a moment he is breathless and looks like a rolypoly*. Then the giggles burst out. I go in for another and another tickle. His eyes are sealed shut, but his gummy smile is spread from one cheek to the other, and I can see that the two teeth which have made quite the dramatic entrance over the past week have finally come through. His belly is dancing and I have to stop myself to let him catch his breath. Hovering over this life who is laying on my bed that measures 29 inches in length, I can't help but think "goodness kid, you were meant for me!"

The other day we had a friend over and right upon holding Warner he smelled his head and sighed "you still smell like baby." Please keep that smell, son. Although you just turned 8 months old, and are creeping closer to 1 year rapidly, I relive the day you were born over and over and over again in my head. It was the most peaceful experience I have ever had. It is my happy place, believe it or not. I remember looking out the hospital window. It was 6am and I had been having contractions for over 36 hours. Finally you decided you were ready, so there I was, laying on the bed looking out the window at  the sunrise coming over the deep green forest. The doctor came in, along with one nurse, and they quietly waited while my body delivered you. The whole process was so swift and reverent. You have definitely embodied that calmness and I am deeply grateful for it every passing day. You are my "I love you."

*So "pillowtalk" was one of my favorite movies growing up, and it may or may not have been because of handsome Rock Hudson. I used to think I wanted to name one of my boys "Rock" after him, but I don't think Jared would approve. Plus, Rock just sounds weird by itself. You need the full Rock Hudson. Oh, and James Garner was another heart throb, whew! Anyway, I've always loved this song "rolypoly." Wouldn't it be awesome if there were restaurants like this still?

family was in town, so we did the important things...like ate a lot of cupcakes.

I think I apologized to my sister 5 times for taking hostage the first portion of their Saturday morning with my cupcake excursions. She and my brother-in-law flew all the way from California to be with us and explore DC, yet I somehow slyly convinced them it was worth their time to visit 2 cupcake shops :) And apparently it was a big deal in my book, because that's pretty much all I busted my camera out for that day.

We did do a bit of touring around DC. It's hard for us sometimes because we've done everything a gabillion times that I'm afraid our enthusiasm for playing tour guide has dwindled a bit. BUT, it was sooo great to have Aunt Jordan and Uncle Luke around! They were quite the duo with our kiddos. They were the first thing Evelyn would ask for when she woke up in the morning. We are so excited because the next time we see them, we'll have a baby boy cousin!! We are so happy for them! Thanks Jay Jay & Wook for coming to visit us!

Evelyn, lately

Today I handed Evelyn a cup of water and without me prompting she said "pank (thank) you, mama." I was so impressed! I bent down and told her how much I loved her for using good manners.

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Last night Evelyn was talking to herself a bit in her crib, so I went in to give her one last squeeze and bedtime song before she conked out. As I reached back to shut the door, she called out "wuv ew, mama." My heart skipped.

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As she was on the potty, she looked up at me with a strained face and said "uhh! it no working!"And I busted up laughing.

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Lately Evelyn has developed a fear of the lawnmower. She woke up from her nap crying one afternoon because the noise was scoowah (scary). I explained to her that while lawnmowers were loud and that could be frightening, they weren't for Evelyn but they are for cutting grass. So now everytime we hear a lawnmower or leafblower, she explains to me "No scoowah, lawntutor. Lawntutor, it cut da gwass!" 

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The phrase most commonly said right now: "Lightning McQueen, cars go fast, McQueen sticks out his tongue." She is crushing hard on Lightning. Princess movies aren't our thing over here. We watched Tangled for the horsie, not for the beautiful Rapunzel or handsome Flynn Rider.

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My favorite Evelyn thing right now is our duet, singing "skinnamarink."

Evelyn, Dad & a Tent

Good word, aren't these photos of Evelyn beautiful?! Dad sure captured her well! When Jared said he wanted to take Evelyn on a daddy daughter campout that some men in our church were throwing together, I thought goooooodd luuuck! I totally did not think she was ready and I thought Jared was being way too optimistic and rather naive that she was going to fall asleep in the pack n play, in 40* nighttime weather, in a tent, with the laughter of other chatty little girls in the background, in the dark, and not develop a cough all throughout the wee morning hours like she had been the previous night. I was totally anticipating them barging through the door at 1am, defeated by the wilderness, but wouldn't ya know it - I was proved wrong! Evelyn thrived in the outdoors! Jared said Evelyn loved the canoe, throwing sticks in the water, the big campfire, went out like a light at 9pm and didn't make a peep til 6:30am.

I have to admit that my heart feels a bit bipolar when I look at these photos. On one hand I am so so proud of Evelyn for flowering into such a big girl. Especially camping in undies and not having one accident! And mostly just overjoyed that she and Dad got to form a tighter bond together. On the other hand, there isn't an ounce of baby left in her. I mean, the girl can handle a boat ore!