camping - a white couple's delight

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I like to think of myself as a friend of nature. When I was younger I would go fishing with my dad on a fairly regular basis. We even went crab-hunting once in the Cheasapeake Bay. Well, my dad went a-hunting while my siblings and I sat on the bank and cried because sand got in our lunchables. I've interacted with wildlife, picked weeds from flower beds, raised bunnies, turtles, gerbils, a cat, a guinea pig and I hiked Half-Dome twice in 3 weeks. So a year ago when Jared and I were wandering the aisles of Target scanning stuff for our registry the natural thing to do was of course scan everything in the camping aisle.

Eddie Bauer Tent - Fulfilled
Eddie Bauer Sleeping Bag - Quantity 2 - Fulfilled
Coleman 2 Burner Stone - Fulfilled
Hibachi Grill - Fulfilled
Coleman Flashlight Duo Pack - Fulfilled

As of November 3, 2009 I am proud to report that these items are all in great condition and have served us well the past year in knowing that if we ever feel so inclined we have the comfort of pulling these items out from under our beds, out of their boxes and assembling them. But don't think this is where the nature-loving couple stops - oh no! I have even gone as far this week as to look on-line at some available spots in the surrounding Santa Monica Mountains. We are thrilled at the possibility of using our nature gear! But before I booked our site, I wanted to make sure that we would have a positive experience, so I double-checked with "STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE." Coming in at #128, camping is something that us caucasians will enjoy!
"If you find yourself trapped in the middle of the woods without electricity, running water, or a car you would likely describe that situation as a “nightmare” or “a worse case scenario like after plane crash or something.” White people refer to it as “camping.”When white people begin talking to you about camping they will do their best to tell you that it’s very easy and it allows them to escape the pressures and troubles of the urban lifestyle for a more natural, simplified, relaxing time. Nothing could be further from the truth. In theory camping should be a very inexpensive activity since you are literally sleeping on the ground. But as with everything in white culture, the more simple it appears the more expensive it actually is. The first stage of camping always involves a trip to an outdoor equipment store like REI (or in Canada, Mountain Equipment Co-Op). These stores are well known for their abundance of white customers and their extensive inventory of things for white people to buy and only use once. If you are ever tricked into going to one of these stores, you can make white people like you by saying things like “man, this Kayak is only $1200, if I use it 35 times I’ve already saved money over renting.” Note: do not actually buy the kayak.

Next, white people will then take this new equipment and load it into an SUV or Subaru Outback with a Thule or Yakima Roof Rack. Then they will drive for an extended period of time to a national park or campsite where they will pay an entrance fee and begin their journey. Once in the camp area, white people will walk around for a while, set up a tent, have a horrible night of sleep, walk around some more. Then get in the car and go home. This, of course, is a best case scenario. Worst case scenarios include: getting lost, poisoned, killed by an animal, and encountering an RV. Of these outcomes, the latter is seen by white people as the worst since it involves an encounter with the wrong kind of white people. Conversely, any camping trip that ends in death at the hands of nature or requires the use of valuable government resources for a rescue is seen as relatively positive in white culture. This is because both situations might eventually lead to a book deal or documentary film about the experience. Ultimately the best way to escape a camping trip with white people is to say that you have allergies. Since white people and their children are allergic to almost everything, they will understand and ask no further questions."


  1. Hahahaha! I also consider myself a friend of nature. Our camping gear is also very nicely packed away. We used it once. It snowed on that camping trip. And there was condensation inside our tent. Bryan still claims it was because our tent was warm. It was not.