our glory days

Last night was a doozy. Evelyn had a raging temperature of 104 that was relentless and did not cease until she "woke up" up this morning. I say "woke up" because I don't think the girl really slept, and neither did I. Every 2 hours I was up with her, administering cool compresses on her forehead, redosing the ibuprofen, stroking her feverish cheeks. In addition, Warner also woke up twice in the middle of the night, and by 4:30am I looked at the clock and seriously debated just starting my day then because it's not like 2 more hours was going to get me anywhere. But my fluttering eyes couldn't resist my pillow, and as I laid back down I thought about why, in the wee hours of the morning with a throbbing headache, was I feeling so, ... gosh, I don't know the word I'm looking for... peaceful? merciful? fulfilled, perhaps?  At that ridiculous hour, in what seemed like a bottomless pit of sleeplessness, I felt joy in knowing that I would do anything, ANYTHING -  exhaust myself completely physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually - for these two babes of mine.

I hopped out for a girls night last night with some of my lovely friends. On my way home, I was listening to Adele, and this phrase hit me in a way that I didn't think of before. You should know I love lyrics, like, love, love, love. I can really stretch a song to get it to mean whatever it is I'm emotionally searching for at the time, so while I realize my interpretation is out of context for what the song really is, whatevs, it resonated with me. "Bound by the surprise of our glory days." GLORY DAYS. That connotes a wild thrill, youthfulness, excitement, right? So obviously that should throw me back to my days of young love, when me and Jared's (see Julianne, this is the grammatical thing I was talking about, don't know how to phrase this correctly!) love was actually "born and raised in a summer haze." But what IS SURPRISING is that I feel like my glory days are now, at the age of 26. I'm more bound now than ever, in a spectacular way to a wonderful man. And while my body might not look physically as glorious as in years past, I've never gloried in it more. What my body has done in my late twenties was more than it ever did in the two decades previous. I glory in these two little souls that are discovering this world day by day, or rather one pulling out all the contents of the kitchen cabinet while the other is monkeying around on every piece of furniture, and I get to aid them. I have the opportunity to shelter them, to dress and feed them, to educate them, to moralize them. It is a very daunting task, but I do glory in it.

Jared and I frequently ask ourselves why people want to have kids. It's hard. So very hard, and self-less, and sometimes unrewarding. I definitely have days were I  just want to scream and cry and throw in the towel. In fact, right now I have a post that I wrote earlier this week called "trials and triumphs," that pretty much lays out my greatest frustrations with being a mom right now. I was just waiting on some finishing touches before posting, so I'm sure that will be up here next week :)  But the answer to that question of "wait, why are we doing this kid thing?" is always answered with a powerful yet reverent fury, and usually in the smallest, simplest moments, unprompted by anything but love.

So last night, or this morning rather, when my mind was blizzarding with these thoughts of gratitude for being able to take care of my babes in their moments of need,  I thought back to this quote that I posted on instagram on mother's day:

"I've invested milk and tears, blood and muscle...I've given much. But I have received more - far more. I have children I love more than life, more than self." - the mother in me

a wave and a fit

Trying to make a meal while your baby is asleep is like playing a game of "Operation" but much more intense. "Shoot, I need the largest pot to boil the chicken, but it's under the other 2 pots." Ever so quietly I slide the stack of 3 off the shelf, firmly grab the handle of the top two and lift, slide the large one out and carefully put the others back on the shelf. Opening up a nutrigrain wrapper? I head on back to our closet and rip that baby open.

Evelyn has been so incredibly loving toward us this week. Not by giving kisses or hugs, heavens no. She's not a cuddler. But I think she realized that we were soo tuckered out from sleeping training for 6 months {yes, 6 months!} that the past week she has given us 12 hours of sleep a night! 7pm-7am. Hallelujah! I hope it's here to stay. Here's what this big girl has been up to. 

She is so sweet in the first video. Second, eh, not so much. She definitely is capable of forming her own opinions on things. We've started signing with her this week in an attempt to limit this frustration on both ends. I feel kind of silly doing it for some reason.

M - to the - Other's Day

If you read Rockstar Diaries, I guess she and I had the same idea last Mother's Day. We both took a pregnancy test. I thought how phenomenal it would be if I found out I was actually pregnant on Mother's Day and I would walk around just glowing, secretly being a "mother." Well, I think I ended up crying because there was only 1 line instead of 2. I had to be patient and wait another 7 days to get my two lines. And a year later I have the most gorgeous 3 month old baby.

There is nothing in the world that can compare to being a mother. I love every drop and ounce this glorious job has to offer. I love her gummy smile, her shrieking coos, her energized kicks, her blue blue eyes, her peach fuzz hair and her small bum. I love watching her laugh at her dad, squeal when she sees me, her cheerful disposition. I love watching her fail to roll over time and time again - not because I delight in her failure but I marvel that she is always learning something new. 

I count all my many blessings every night, and give extra thanks above for my little Evy Rae.

love

Can you see it? Yeah, right there... can you see my heart spewing out love everywhere?

Because it is.

I don't think I could love something more.

Evelyn Rae turns 3 months this coming week. I don't know if I can swallow that.

It's already going by too quickly.

Maybe I'm ready for baby #2?

to conk out or not to conk out? that is the question

She's had an exhausting day, but would you be able to tell? No, you wouldn't.  Let's see, first she slept in until 8:30, played until 11, went to work with Mom from 11:30-3 where she put on a show for the clientele with her smiles and coos. She's just getting around to her first nap right now. That 15 minute eyeshut on the ride home doesn't count. Despite my persuasive gestures earlier on with my rocking and nursing to bring on a hopeful sleepyhead, she was determined to stay awake the whole day. My pre-pregnancy self would have been appalled at how this day went, where she didn't get her naps in right after feeding. "Eat Awake Sleep" they say, but she kept kicking strong. 

***CORRECTION - STILL NOT NAPPING***

I just went in to her room to find this:

Yeah. Looks pretty rejuvenated after 10 minutes. This girl is dynamite. 

Before having Evelyn, I was determined to be the stern mom and put her on a schedule. I'm all about discipline and I was gonna start from the get-go with BabyWise. 

Well, let's just say that my approach has changed. I now understand that every day is different. 

I feed her every 3 hours and whatever happens in between that time happens. If she's awake, cool! If she goes to sleep, awesome. Doesn't matter really. I still get a majority of the things done that I need to regardless if she's asleep or not. And the truth is, I like having her around me. She seems to sleep from 10:30pm -7:30am with only one feeding regardless of how much she slept during the day, so I'm 100% happy with that! Now that I possess wisdom,  my enlightened perspective would be plan your day around the feeding times and make the kid roll with the punches in between. And in return your baby may give you some surprises along the way... like mine did right now with her floodgate orange diaper. Nice one.

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A big shout out to our "new" readers! I'm so grateful for your feedback. And congrats to all of you who just had a baby or are expecting - FISTPUMP! It's the bombdiggity!